Your communication is your connect with the world. It’s how you express or not express yourself.

What language you use? What words appeal to you? Are you precise in your communication or take long to come to the point? Do you really communicate what you feel and believe or are you always wearing a mask?

What Does Your Communication Style Tell About The Inner You?

Like everything else in our lives, our communication styles are also defined by our beliefs, our values and the identity we have of ourselves. What we perceive as our self worth. What is acceptable or unacceptable to us. If we don’t believe in ourselves, our communication will reflect this in spades. If we always believe we are victims, this will show up in our communication style as well. So how do you communicate? How do you react to others? What is the reaction others have to your communication style?

All communication ranges in intensity from a passive to an aggressive style of conversation. If passive was at the extreme left, then aggressive will range at the extreme right, with assertive and passive aggressive somewhere in between. This is directly connected to the amount of Life Energy or Soul Energy of the individual. It’s important to first understand what each communication style says about you and to then also understand why increasing your Soul Energy power can make you an empowered communicator and leader.

Which Is Your Style & What Does That Say About You?

Communication is not just a style of conversation but the way we react to the world around us. What we say, what we hide and why we hide? Communication is actually an exchange of Energy and as is for all exchanges can be defined by being one sided, equal, dominating, subdued, passive, unequal, stealing, giving, sharing, accepting and much more.

Let’s identify these styles and what they mean.

The Passive Communicator

At the extreme left of the spectrum is the style most favoured by everyone. Passive. Acceptance. It’s a style that is most conformist to society. Being one of the crowd. Not wanting to stand out. Not wanting to put a step out of place. Wanting to be accepted. Wanting to be a part of a community, a group, a tribe. Someone favouring a passive style of communication is content with blending in. Being accepted. Hiding their own unique identity to fit in with the larger picture.

Why Do Most Individuals Prefer The Passive Style Of Communication?

It’s the most popular style because it is the most easy to follow. To stand out in a crowd is difficult. To be unique, requires self belief and a strong sense of self worth. This inherent self worth may or may not resonate with the crowd. To stand up for our beliefs may result in praise or condemnation. Acclaim or blame. Sometimes both.

In India, in the corporate sector, late sitting is a common occurrence. It’s an acceptable practice to be in office far beyond the 8 to 9 hour workday. Every new hire is indoctrinated into this late sitting culture and is made to accept this as normal. ‘This is how it happens here’ is what’s told. It’s now so much a part of the fabric in financial services that anyone leaving on time, is mocked by saying ‘Is it a half day’ or even ‘leaving early’.

The late sitting culture is so prevalent that even if you have finished work for the day, you cannot be seen as someone who leaves on time (early as per others) or someone who leaves before the department head. Any changes suggested are flatly refused by an air of superiority and a lofty tone of ‘this is not how it’s done here’. New recruits are either made to conform to this culture or made uncomfortable by their resistance to change. This is just one example and I’m sure you would have many more similar examples of passive communication and conformity in your organisations.

The passive communication style is not just limiting to self but ensures others too fall in line.

The Aggressive Communicator

While passive remains the most favoured style, the communication style at the extreme other end of the spectrum is Aggressive. While passive is not conducive to growth, it is not destructive. Gravitating towards an aggressive or non conformist style is harmful to the Soul. The passive aggressive communicator challenges each and every event, sometimes just for the sake of it with no real substance behind the negation. Driven by wanting to always dominate the conversation with what is best for self or what is perceived as best for self.

Such an individual is always prone to high emotional dramas and cannot be trusted to react or behave in a predictable manner. To always live either high in alt or low in the dungeon is not conducive to a healthy working environment. Others around them will tip toe on egg shells just trying to navigate the labyrinth around the aggressive communicator.

I have personally experienced this style of communication many times in my career as a HR professional and can attest how this style actually slows down the growth of the individual. The non conformists are rarely challenged by others. While they themselves might view this as a case of superiority, its actually detrimental to growth. It would take a stronger person to give feedback and others around them might take a passive view and just let sleeping dogs lie.

In teams where we had a non conformist aggressive or a passive aggressive, the team dynamics changed. Other important voices started getting subdued and if the dynamic was not restored this resulted in attrition or increased ratio of passive acceptance.

Communication styles of Passive (Acceptance) and Aggressive (Non Conformists) are two ends of the Communication See-Saw and cannot be regarded as ideal or conducive to growth. In both these scenarios it’s the loss to the organisation. Too many passive voices will not aim for growth and promote a toxic, non adaptive, closed work culture,’this is the only way things are done here’ or ‘my way or the highway’. Letting Aggressive (non conformists) dominate the conversation and not letting others come forward promotes mediocrity and is also not conducive to wholistic growth.

In such a scenario, the style of communication that promotes equality, openness, receiving feedback / suggestions and ultimately growth for the organisation is the Assertive (Leadership) style.

The Assertive Communicator

An assertive style of communication is a keen balance of both the passive and aggressive styles. It’s a style that is dynamic and the assertive leader is constantly aware of and employs real time dynamics to get the best from his / her surroundings or what is acceptable or unacceptable based on the occurrence or event. This style of communication can be followed at an individual or leadership level. It denotes the innate leadership quality. The ability to evaluate the environment and guide towards the best solution.

An assertive communicator is someone who is self aware and values growth. Who understands that they need to choose their battles. Someone who is prepared to take a backseat where required if it’s for the higher good. Someone who encourages others to be vocal and bring forth their individual opinions to the collective decision making process. Where it’s a safe space for the team to communicate and be heard. Someone who is not afraid of taking a stand where required and who can be trusted to make the right decisions.

At an individual level, the assertive voice will always stand up for what he / she believes in. There is a sense of identity, integrity, conviction and self worth without wanting to overshadow others.

Communication Flow In An Organisation Based On The Different Communication Styles

Organisations that promote assertive communication will always have a growth trajectory. This style of communication is not like a pyramid with chain of command flowing from top to bottom. With one dominating voice at the top subduing other voices into passivity. Or a lop sided leadership structure with the loudest voice subduing others into passivity. The assertive encouraging organisation will value opinions, feedback and suggestions. The culture will encourage sharing of thoughts without fearing a backlash from seniors.

The Energy Exchange At Soul Level For Different Communication Styles

To really understand the base of why individuals communicate the way they do, it’s essential to understand how Life Energy or Soul Energy works. We are all energy driven beings and connected to the universe around us through energy fields. Our communication is directly connected to our Soul Energy levels. We are all meant to be energy generators and to sustain and maintain our energy levels. However, in today’s world, people have forgotten how to generate their own energy and hence rely on stealing energy from others to survive.

This interchange of Energy if not self generated or forcefully taken creates an imbalance and this affects our range as a communicator.

The Passive Communicator

At the Soul level, individuals favouring the passive style of communication have low energy. They are easily subdued and cannot stand up for what they believe in. They are not able to sustain their energy levels in front of other more aggressive or dominant energies.

Hence, individuals who prefer this style of communication are mainly followers and not leaders. They have an inherent fear of challenging the status quo. They prefer the easy acceptance of what’s happening while ignoring the fact that they too can bring about change.

Following this style does not indicate they are happy with their circumstances. While they might complain about their circumstances to who all might listen, there is no thought of standing up for what they actually believe in and effecting change. They are constantly adapting to their environment as a means to fit in, to conform, to blend in. They accept feeling the drain of their Soul Energy as normal.

They try to recover their energy by complaining to who listens & finding sympathy from others. After a hectic week in an energy draining environment, they look at the weekend as an escape and a way to regenerate their energy levels.

The Aggressive Communicator

At the Soul level, this style is effected by bullies or energy vampires who need to steal the energy of their passive colleagues to survive. They tend to oscillate between a state of aggression and feeling victimised. They believe they ‘are not responsible’ for what is happening around them. They are always the victim. They look at gaining energy from others either by showing them down or by gaining their sympathy. While the energy acquired through stealing is powerful and does give a sense of temporary elation, the long term repercussions of energy stealing are manifold.

Health Issues Related To Energy Drain Or Energy Steal

While the passive energy giver upper will feel stress, panic attacks, anxiety or heart burn, this will be to a lesser degree. This will also stop when they are away from the source of energy drain.

It is different for the aggressive energy stealers. This forceful pulling of energy from other weak Souls brings with it it’s own repercussions and harm. The effect of the energy pulled is temporary and the effect of well-being resulting from this pull is also temporary, creating a moody, short tempered & explosive individual who is always unpredictable and trying to recoup his energy levels repeatedly in a destructive cycle through these unnatural means. Also the time frame of the well-being effected from stolen energy keeps getting decreased.

The short term effects are not noticeable in the aggressive communicator as long as the energy keeps flowing in. However, the long term effects, when they are no longer in a place of prominence and can no longer find passive energy giver uppers, will create major health issues. If this path is not corrected, it can even create terminal illnesses. It’s not easy stealing Soul Energy from others.

The Assertive Communicator

At the Soul level, the assertive communicator is able to keep away from the drama being enacted by the energy giver uppers and the energy stealers. They are observers and manage to keep control of their emotions and hence avoid the energy drain.

In any explosive situation, you can always observe the energy retainers by their impassive demeanour, their restrained reactions and ability to withstand the temptation of getting involved.

It takes courage to be stoic, mature and retain your emotions in an explosive scenario. However, this is the only way to be.

Retaining your own Soul Energy, learning to generate, maintain and sustain energy brings with it long term benefits and a lot of happiness. Feeling the Soul Energy within you, gives you calmness, a sense of self worth and assurance. It makes you feel in control and self aware. It’s a most empowering feeling.

Having generated and maintained your Soul Energy creates an inner calm and sense of bliss. Being in the company of an energised Soul is always a joy. Others coming in contact will do the best work of their life, they will get great ideas, be focused in their work and have overall efficiency. The benefits of having energised Soul Leaders is immense and extremely benefitting to the organisation.

My Personal Journey

I’ve been someone who was bullied a lot as a child, went through an emotionally abusive marriage, survived a dominating father and hence have experienced this energy drain constantly. However, when I learnt how to NOT give up my Soul energy, I started experiencing the sense of empowerment, control and with it multiple long term benefits. I realised an increase in my mental, physical and emotional health. I could overcome my earlier depression, self healed myself through vertigo, frozen shoulders, body pain, fear issues, anaemia and much much more.

However, I too was guilty from a short space of time of becoming an energy stealer. Due to certain levels of job related stress, I too developed a streak of being short tempered. It was a revelation to realise that I too became an energy stealer and later felt guilty of what I was doing. With awareness came acceptance and release. My own experience of getting angry was important in my journey and overcoming this is my own personal challenge. I’m happy to share that these occurrences have now decreased and are also not severe. We are all human and on a journey of continuous self growth.

It’s only when you have control over your emotions and can generate and sustain your Soul energy can you be Earthquake Proof, Noise Proof and Future Ready, as shared in my earlier blog on ‘Are you a Leader?‘. These 3 important qualities differentiate a Soul Leader from others.

You can ask yourself, Are You a Soul Leader? Do you want to be?

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